Are You "Shoulding" All Over Yourself? Here's Why It’s Time to Stop

How often do you find yourself caught in a cycle of “shoulds”? I should be more productive. They should understand me better. I should have done that differently. These thoughts weigh us down, creating unnecessary tension and guilt.

This week in class, we unpacked the “shoulds” we carry and how they block us from living authentically. Let me tell you: letting go of “shoulds” is one of the most liberating shifts you can make for your mind, body, and soul.

Why Releasing the “Shoulds” Matters

Every time you “should” yourself, you’re giving away your power. Instead of acting out of love, curiosity, or joy, you act out of obligation, guilt, or pressure. And when we extend those “shoulds” to others—They should text first. They should know what I need.—we’re not just setting unrealistic expectations but also handing them control over our happiness.

But here’s the truth we explored together this week: No one else is responsible for your choices, your joy, or your life. That responsibility—and power—is yours alone. When you honor yourself, you make space to nurture the things that truly matter to you, rather than staying stuck in resentment or blame.

For example, one student shared how they’d been frustrated with a partner for not supporting their wellness goals. Through our discussion, they realized they were waiting for external validation to prioritize their health. When they took responsibility for their choices, the frustration melted away.

We all have that inner voice telling us what we “should” do or how others “should” behave. But instead of listening to it, what if we focused on loving, nurturing, honoring, and respecting ourselves in the current moment?

Steps to Shift from “Shoulding” to Self-Love

Ready to break free from the cycle? Here’s how to start:

1. Notice the “Shoulds”
   Become aware of how often “should” pops up in your thoughts. Just try to notice, without judgement or needing to make a change right away. Notice when you say or think "I should do this.." or "you know what you should do?" Then chuckle and move on.
2. Begin to Shift your Language
   Start to replace “should” with empowering words. For example, instead of saying, I should exercise more, try I want to move my body because it makes me feel good.
3. Take Responsibility
   When you feel frustrated by someone else’s behavior, pause and ask: Am I expecting them to fill a role I could take responsibility for myself? Take back your power by focusing on what you can control.
4. Prioritize Self-Respect
   Commit to actions that honor your values, needs, and well-being. Say yes to things that bring joy and no to things that drain you—without guilt.

By nurturing this mindset, you’ll find it easier to let go of resentment and embrace the joy of being in charge of your life. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being kind and honest with yourself.

I invite you to practice this shift in small, tangible ways. Next time you catch yourself “shoulding,” pause. Breathe. Ask yourself, What do I truly need right now?

Your joy, your choices, and your life are yours to honor. 💛

Looking for a community of like-minded people focused on their wellness and healing? Or need support on your journey? Reach out: mandy@homeandyoga.com. I can't wait to hear from you!